There comes a time in a man’s life when he realises he is never going to be an astronaut, and it is a very sad day indeed. I came to this conclusion a few years ago, realising that I was too tall and also slightly red-green colour blind. Not good for cutting red-green wires, or fitting into spacesuits. My dream was whipped out from under my feet like that man in that video with the thing that does the thing. You know it?

If I could swap my legs and eyes with someone else, I probably would, but only for about a week while I went astronauting.

My dreams of working in space shattered, I was lured in by the promise of “CyberSpace”, and the “Information Super Highway”. What exciting names! “If I can’t work in space”, I thought, “perhaps I can work in Cyber Space, whatever that is..”

So here I am.

Still here. Still internetting. Sat at my desk wearing my astronaut fancy-dress costume.

If you ask all the people who know me in real life what I do for a living they would tell you, after much mumbling and confusion, that it is something to do with the internet. And to that I would say… why are you conducting some weird little survey about what I do for a living??

I build things online, and pages just like this one, I create downloadable products, offer various services, help local businesses rank higher in search engines, and I spend most of my work time scribbling onto paper in the hope that something good will come of it. Here I am scribbling this right now. Scribble scribble scribble.

So what else do you want to know about me?

What are your other demands?!

Oh I don’t know. What do people usually say in these things? Should Lewis be writing this in the third person?

My favourite dinosaur is the Brontosaurus, I like dogs but not really cats, but don’t hold it against me if you happen to like cats for some reason, I wish I had a slide from my bed into a swimming pool, if I had a child I would read to her every single night, and I was once in a Pogo Stick accident as the pogo shot up into my left eye. I won a box of celebrations for that injury.

So, um, there we have it.

You can’t truly understand a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

Well look at that. You just clomped about in my shoes for a while. How do you feel?

Most people faint when they get to the bottom of this page, or their heads explode like that guy in that movie with the other guy who does the thing with the thing, because maybe their brains can’t handle the information overload. How did you do?